Mil Spouse Friday Fill-In #48

Howdy friends! If you're looking for more information on the Fill-in go to Wife of a Sailor's blog.

1. Does you significant other read your blog? Is this a good or a bad thing? Yes!! He is probably my number one blog supporter. He scolds me if I haven't blogged in a while, gives me ideas, and tells me if I make a mistake. He has even considered writing a couple "guest posts" but never got around to it. I'm still working on it though. :)

2. What is one item in your house that holds the most sentimental value and why?
We have a large frame that holds a photo from our wedding, a copy of our wedding invitation, and a painted likeness of the church where we got married (painted by a friend who is an amazing artist). I would be devastated if I ever lost it because it is so special and personal to us. (I would put up a photo of it but it has our last names on it so for privacy reasons I'm not going to.) I feel the same way about a pearl necklace that I have because it was given to me by my mother but once belonged to my great grandmother....plus I also wore it on my wedding day. :)

3. When it comes to water fun in the summer do you prefer the beach, pool, lake or sprinkler? I tend to really like pools because there is no sand going up my crack (haha) and there are no creepy animals lurking in the water underneath me. Plus there tends to be more shade around a pool, and I need a lot of shade to avoid getting a horrible sunburn. However, I LOVE beach vacations so there is definitely a time and a place for that.

4. What is the one special thing that you do for yourself to get you through the first week of a deployment/separation? The night after Alex deployed I went to get drinks and dinner with some of my fellow Army wives. This was such a huge help because I went there straight from work and didn't get home until late so I hardly had time to think about things. Plus, my girl friends made me laugh and I had a great time. I also rented a bunch of girlie movies that Alex would never watch to help get me through the first weekend.

5. What is your biggest guilty pleasure website? PerezHilton.com. I know he's a loser but I just can't stop reading his celebrity updates!

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In #38

For more information on the fill-in, please visit Wife of a Sailor's blog.

1. How many pets do you have? And what type?
We have one dog...
Her name is Libby and she's a terrier mix of some sort.

And she's spoiled rotten!

We adopted her from the SPCA when she was 3 years old, and now she's about 6 years old. We love her very much, even despite her quirky little habits that we can't seem to break (jumping up on visitors, "talking" to you (aka barking), licking non-stop, etc.)

2. What are your favorite projects to do while hubby is away?
I became a little crafty while Hubs was away and made some holiday decor, home decor, and tried my hand at sewing (didn't go so well).

3. What are the must-haves in your deployment care packages?
Baby wipes, handwritten notes, powdered drink packets, shelf-stable snack food (granola bars, nuts, trail mix), DVDs, magazines & books.

4. If you could star in any TV show, what would it be?
I would like to be on The Bachelor, minus the competing for a random man's affection. So basically I just want to go on a vacation where I just get to lay around in mansions and go on fantasy dates (with Hubs) to exotic places for 6 weeks straight.

5. What was the biggest hurdle that you faced during your significant other's first deployment?
Keeping our connection strong. We were actually able to talk to each other a lot (almost every day) but sometimes it felt like we had nothing to talk about, despite the fact that we were separated. Also, as I've mentioned before, I tend to shut down as my personal way of dealing with pain, so I could be pretty cold towards him sometimes. It was tough but I was able to overcome it!

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In #35

It's that time again! For more info on the Fill-In and to check out other spouses' answers to the questions, visit Wife of a Sailor's blog.

1. What is your must-have gadget?

I don't think I can decide on just one! It depends on the category we're talking about.
Beauty = Hot Tools curling iron
Fitness = my iPod
Kitchen = Cuisinart Food Processor
Blogging = DSLR camera (Canon Rebel)

2. How does your adulthood compare to what you imagined it would be like as a little kid?

As a kid I thought I would be a veterinarian, married to a Texas cowboy, and have 2 kids by now! I definitely never thought I would end up married to a Kansas-born soldier and be living as an Army wife with no kids at the age of (almost) 26....but I wouldn't change anything! I love my life and I'm so happy I married my non-Texan guy. ;-)

3. What is your favorite chocolate recipe?

Double Chocolate Caramel Cookies were the bomb! As a quick and easy option, I'm also loving Single Serving Healthier Brownies these days.

4. How do you deal with military life when it gets to be too much or too hard?

I vent about it and get it out, either to my friends & family or on my blog. Here's a link to some of my venting-about-Army-life posts. Also I do something to get my mind off of it, such as working out, reading a book, hanging out with friends, etc. And finally, I try to remind myself of all the blessings in my life (easier said than done) and that "this too shall pass".

5. What piece of advice would you give a new military spouse facing their first deployment?

Oh gosh, there's so much I would say (and do say, when given the chance)!
~I know it's scary, but you WILL GET THROUGH IT. Have faith in yourself that you are a strong, independent woman and you will be fine. I doubted my ability to cope with a deployment wayyyy too much before our first one and it just made me (and him) miserable in the weeks leading up to his deployment.
~Stay busy and make sure you plan things to look forward to. A fun trip, a party, a night out, a spa day, etc. You still need to get out and have FUN while he's gone...don't feel like you have to stay in and be miserable!!
~Communicate and stay connected! If his phone access is limited, try sending him a daily email or send him weekly care packages with a hand-written love letter. Just try to stay connected in each others lives as much as possible. At first my way of coping with deployment was sometimes to try and shut him out of my life so I didn't have to feel the pain of him being gone. That is NOT GOOD! Learn from my mistakes! :)

Okay I'll stop there...it's a topic I'm passionate about obviously! :) Great questions this week!

Single Serving Healthier Brownie

Sometimes a craving hits me and I don't even really know where it came from.

For example, tonight I had a serious craving for brownies.

FYI I don't even like brownies (normally). They don't even tempt me (normally). I'd much rather have a cookie or a piece of pie or even a blondie (normally).

But tonight, I wanted brownies and I wanted them NOW.

The only teensy problem was that I had no eggs in the house and I was too lazy to make a whole batch of them. Plus, I didn't want a whole bunch of extra brownies sitting around the house for the next few days.

So I typed "single serving brownies" into good 'ole Google and found a recipe on Sparkpeople that looked perfect. Plus, it's healthy(ish), since it doesn't call for any butter or eggs! Bonus!

These turned out pretty darn good for a healthy and simple recipe! I was pleasantly surprised, as was the Hubs.

They totally fulfilled my need-a-brownie-now craving. I hope it does the same for you, if a Brownie Emergency arises in the future.


Single Serving Healthier Brownie
adapted from Sparkpeople

Serves one.

1 Tbsp whole wheat flour
1 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
a pinch of baking soda
a pinch of salt
1 Tbsp unsweetened applesauce or non-fat vanilla yogurt (I used applesauce)
splash of milk to thin it out as needed (I used almond milk)

Topping of choice (whipped cream, mini-chocolate chips, etc.)

Combine dry ingredients and mix well. Add wet ingredients and stir until combined. The batter should be about like the consistency of pancake batter so add more milk if needed to thin it out.

Spray a microwave-safe dish (such as a ramekin or a coffee mug) with cooking spray and then pour in the batter. Microwave for about 60 seconds.

Top with mini chocolate chips, whipped cream, or other toppings of choice.


P.S. I realized as I was making the brownie that this would be the perfect dessert recipe for a military wife with a deployed spouse! When Hubs was deployed, I always craved sweets but never felt inspired to bake when it was just me around the house. Definitely tucking this recipe away for the next deployment!

Let's Talk About Being Alone

So my dinner posts are going to be few and far between this week because my husband is in the field (a.k.a. away from home, for all you non-Army types) all this week.

If you'd really like an overview of what I ate for dinner tonight then here you go:

-Cereal

-Frozen bagged veggies (obviously not frozen when I ate them)

-Wine

There ya have it! I think it's pretty well-rounded! (LOL)

Let's move on to tonight's topic: Dealing with your husband or significant other being gone.

Now, I think there are two major pools of people when it comes to this topic:

1. Those who deal with being away from their spouse or sig. other frequently.

2. Those who rarely (if ever) have to be away from their spouse or sig. other.

I obviously fall into category numero uno, as do most military wives. But this also includes couples where one or both of the members has to travel for work a lot.

I am at the point, after surviving an 11 month deployment and numerous shorter periods of time away from my husband, where I feel like I'm somewhat of an expert at being away from my spouse.

Do I prefer to be away from him? Hell no!

But do I fret and get upset over him being gone for a week (or more)?

No.

In fact, I actually kind of enjoy my alone time. Why?

Because I can forgo making a "real" meal and just eat cereal and wine for dinner.

Because I can watch whatever trashy TV I want for however long I want.

Because I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't feel like it. (Not that I don't enjoy talking with my husband, but sometimes it's nice to just be quiet.)

Because the house stays significantly more clean when my husband's away. He's a serial-clutterer and he sure knows how to dirty up a toilet. :)

Because I don't have to fall asleep with the TV on at night if I don't want to. My husband has trouble falling asleep at night unless the TV is on in the background. Isn't that so weird?! I feel like that's the opposite of how it should be and it sometimes keeps me awake. (I will say though, that throughout his deployment I actually found myself turning the TV on at night as I was falling asleep because it reminded me of him and comforted me.)

As you can see, there are plenty of reasons for me to actually look forward to a little time away from my hubs. I always try to focus on these positive things when he is getting ready to leave for a while.

Then there are the people who are all doom and gloom when their partner has to be away for any amount of time.

"My husband is going to be gone ALL WEEKEND!! First time we've been apart from each other for more than a day since we were married! Wahhhhh!"

Ever seen one of those status updates on Facebook? Yeah....I'm not gonna lie....they piss me off.

The thought running through my head when I see one look something like this:

Really? REALLY?! Do you KNOW how lucky you are that this is the first time you've had to deal with any time apart? Why aren't you ENJOYING the fact that you will get some alone time instead of complaining and pissing me off?

I'm always tempted to write something along these lines on those people's status:

"I think you'll be fine. If I did a year, you can do 2 days. You're welcome."

But when I get all Bitter Betty about people like the above, I try to remind myself that they live a different kind of lifestyle than I do and they have a different outlook on things because they haven't experienced what I have. They are in pool #2.

And that's okay too. It's okay for them to complain about it, because they really do feel nervous/scared/upset/whatever about the prospect of being away from their partner.

And to be quite honest? I remember feeling that way too at one point in my life (before I was thrown mercilessly into this thing called being an Army wife). But I've also always been the type of person who enjoys having "me time".

Now I'm off to finish watching my trashy TV, drinking my wine and falling asleep with the TV off. :)

So which pool do you fall into? How do you feel when you have to be away from your sig. other? Do you look forward to "you time"?

Disclaimer: I really hope this whole post doesn't come off as too judgy or "holier than thou" because that is not my intent at all. I was really just trying to point out how interesting it is that two people could view the same thing in such different ways.

Also, all that said, I am REALLY looking forward to my husband's return this coming Sunday. Life is just more complete with him here.

Girl Time x 2 {What's for Dinner 3/10/2010 & 3/11/2010}

I was lucky enough during this deployment to have awesome Army wife friends who were also going through a deployment. We laughed together, cried together, drank together, fought occasionally, and spent oodles and oodles of time together. Although we had only known each other for a max of 6 months, we bonded as though we had been friends for years and years. We spent just about every weekend together almost non-stop and often met up during the week too. I can attribute this deployment going by so quickly largely in part to these girls.

Since most of our husbands have returned, one of the biggest adjustments has been the sudden decrease in girl time. Granted, we still get together about once a week but usually we bring the husbands along. And although the husbands tend to seclude themselves away from us crazy women on the back porch or as far away from us as possible, it still doesn't count as true "girl time".

So last night and tonight are all about "girl time" and I'm super excited about it. No matter how much you love and adore your husband, girl's nights are an essential part of staying sane!

3/10/2010
Last night I went to a "coffee" which is basically just a get-together with the wives in my husband's unit. The host served sandwiches.

3/11/2010
Tonight I have BUNCO with my girlfriends. I'm super excited and hoping I don't have as bad of luck as I did last time. I don't know what Amanda is serving but I'm sure it will be delicious!

In honor of my nostalgia for our constant, year-long girl time I'm going to share some photos of me and my amazing friends that were taken over the past year.

Wedding fun

Posing and getting stared at like we were crazy by passerby

Jumping for joy on top of Enchanted Rock

A summer backyard party



Official photo shoot...I love this one.

Having fun at a Country dance hall

Introducing some of my non-Texan friends to the Dixie Chicken

P.S. A special shout out to Emma, Danielle & Angie...we miss you girls so much!!!

What's for Dinner? 1/8/2010

1/8/2010
Party: Tacos & Margaritas at a Friend's House {of course, queso and guacamole were involved...a must have for any party with my friends}

This was the first party with my Army wife friends that we've had since the newest batch of husbands came home {4 husbands to be exact, including mine}. It was so much fun {and surreal} to have all those husbands around!

Oh and in typical DS fashion, there may have been a tequila shot involved. :)


**Sorry for the blurry pics. My camera wasn't cooperating (not my new camera....the old point and shoot one that makes me mad a lot).

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, my husband deployed. It was a hard year for sure, but I feel blessed in so many ways because it could have been a lot worse.

I don't consider myself to be a very outwardly spiritual person. I usually feel uncomfortable praying out loud and I don't always make it to church on Sundays. However, I have a lot to be thankful for these days post-deployment.

Thank you, God, for giving me such a caring husband who always went out of his way to call me or email me and make me feel loved, no matter what the circumstances.

Thank you, God, for providing me with such amazing Army wife friends who were my crutches throughout the entire deployment. I never imagined you would put such strong, beautiful, caring women in my life who knew exactly what I was going through and exactly how to get me out of funks and cheer me up. Thank you for all the laughs, tears, late night talks and so much more.

Thank you, God, for keeping my husband safe and well taken care of.

Thank you, God, for blessing me with such supportive friends and family. I've never heard "We're praying for you," as much as I did in the past year.

Thank you, God, for bringing him home 3 weeks early, in time for Christmas.

For those of you who may still have a loved one serving a deployment, keep your head up. This too, shall pass. And then before you know it, you'll find yourself writing a blog post like this (or maybe not...).

New Segment: What's For Dinner?

So many of you know that I started out my blogging career by writing a food blog. Shortly before Alex deployed, the food blog went the way of cassette players {if you don't get my metaphor, that means I abandoned it}.

I had intentions of picking it back up after the dreaded deployment date, but then I found myself eating things like cereal or Easy Mac for dinner every night. Not exactly blogable stuff there, ya know what I mean? I was somewhat baffled by how I could go from LOVING to cook to debating whether it was even worth it to get out the skillet to fry an egg for dinner. How does this happen?

Pretty much the moment my husband set foot back on American soil, my desire to cook shot back up again. That's when I realized that my love for cooking is 100% tied to him. Cooking for me isn't fun unless you have someone to share it with.

Perhaps it's sad and somewhat pathetic that I can't find the joy in it on my own. I'm sure feminists the world over are rolling in their graves right now, but I like serving my man. :::Gasp!:::

So to make a long story short, the food blogging urge has hit me again like a mack truck. Not to mention, I have this super cool new camera that takes amaaaaaaaazing pictures, even when the lighting is bad. It's a picture perfect scenario to start blogging about food again, I tell you!

Therefore, I'm going to start featuring a new segment called "What's For Dinner?" {Creative, huh? That's why I'm in marketing....the creativity just oozes out of me.}

I love reading about what people eat. It just fascinates me. I can't really explain it, but it inspires me to read what other people eat for dinner every night. I recently read a book called The Gastronomy of Marriage in which Michelle Maisto writes about what she and her husband ate for dinner during their engagement, and how food affected their relationship. Sounds boring, right? But it's not, at least not to me! I highly recommend the book if you're A) newly married or about to be married or B) if you're a foodie.

But now we're getting off topic. {I ramble too much...SUM IT UP, ASHLEY} I'm starting a new segment in which I will attempt to blog about what we eat each night in our house. The good, the bad and the ugly. Even if it's Easy Mac....or Taco Bell. I can't promise that I will be able to commit to blogging every day, but if I have to skip days I will at least try to mention what we had on the days that I missed. {This may be a very bad idea}

So below is my first official "What's For Dinner?" post. I hope you enjoy it. And please leave a comment to let me know what you think!

What's For Dinner? 1/3/2010
Chicken Cordon Blue w/ Ranch Roasted Potatoes
This was what I like to call an Oh-Crap-Meal where you have nothing planned and no time to grocery shop. So I scrounged around and came up with this meal, which actually turned out really nicely!

No real recipe here, but I'll try to walk you through it: Pound out chicken breasts to thin them out a bit. Spread some Laughing Cow Light Swiss Cheese on the chicken (I used one wedge per breast). Then place two slices of deli ham on each breast. Roll the chicken up and then secure with toothpicks. Roll the chicken around in Egg Beaters (or a beaten egg or two) and then coat in Panko (or regular) breadcrumbs (I did this shake 'n bake style in a Ziploc bag). Place the coated chicken rolls on a rack placed on top of a baking sheet and then bake at 400 degrees until done (I think mine took about 20-25 minutes).

For the Ranch Roasted Potatoes, cut up some red potatoes into bite size pieces and place in a large bowl. Drizzle some oil over the potatoes (about 1 tablespoon?) and then sprinkle Ranch Dressing Mix (out of a packet) and s&p on them to taste. Toss the potatoes around in the bowl to evenly distribute the flavoring. Spray a baking sheet with Pam and then put the potatoes on it. Spread out in a single layer on the sheet and then bake at 400 degrees for about 15-20 minutes, flipping them once during cooking.

Voila! That's all it takes for a cheesy, crispy, ranchy dinner. Yum!

Bliss.

He's home.

My life is whole again.


And I'm happy.

I don't know the people in the photo...I just liked it.

For now, blogging is taking a back burner to reconnecting with my husband and spending the holidays with family. I'll be back soon enough.

Cry Me a River

Alex's homecoming is coming up very soon. I don't like to mention dates on my blog, for fear of violating OPSEC, so I will just leave it at "very soon". And of course I am beyond excited. But emotions are also starting to escalate and anxiety seems to be setting in. And it doesn't help at all that work is extra stressful right now too.

Today I cried "happy tears" 3 times in an hour with almost no explanation. The smallest thing sets me off. In those cases it was a blog I was reading {completely unrelated to military life}, a touching moment in last night's Glee episode I was catching up on, and a glimpse at my husband's Facebook page. That's it. That's what set me off.

I am slightly terrified at how I am going to hold it together at my friend's homecoming ceremony that I am attending tomorrow. I'm so not a pretty crier....my face gets red and splotchy and I make a really ugly face when I'm trying to hold back sobs. Ugh.

And of course now that we're in the downhill slide, some things have to fall apart just a little bit to remind me of how much I *hate* being without my husband. Last night I woke up in a fit of anxiety three times throughout the night. I don't even know what I was dreaming about...all I know is I was scared. I have struggled with bouts of anxiety when I'm sleeping all throughout this deployment but I can't remember another time when I had THREE bouts in one night. Ugh x 2.

One of those times after I woke up in a panic and was just starting to fall back asleep my precious dog woke me back up. I noticed she wouldn't stop shaking her head over and over and she was scratching her ear. Great. An ear infection. She has NEVER HAD an ear infection but of course now is the PERFECT time for one. So she kept me awake off and on for the rest of the night with that awful feeling of knowing that she's uncomfortable but that there's nothing I can do to make it better right away. Ugh x 3.

You truly don't realize how much you need your spouse around until he's gone. I know he would have calmed me down immediately if he were home and witnessing my nighttime anxiety. I also know that he would have made me feel better about poor Libby's ears and told me not to worry. I just miss his calming presence in my life like you wouldn't believe. He's my rock....and you better believe I am ready to get my damn rock back already!!!!!

Thankful for Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Oh how I love Thanksgiving! It's no secret amongst those who know me that I am a BIG fan of food and eating. My family used to call me the "human garbage disposal" because I could eat so much. Unfortunately as I've grown up all those calories catch up to me faster than they used to. For that reason, I love Thanksgiving because it doesn't matter how many calories you take in or how high you pile your plate! It's the ONE day a year where eating copious amounts of fattening comfort food is encouraged!

I'm in my hometown for the long weekend, spending time with immediate and extended family. We aren't actually doing our big Thanksgiving meal until tomorrow though so I have to wait another day for my delicious meal...boo!

In honor of Thanksgiving, here are some things I am thankful for this year:

1. This deployment is ALMOST over. My husband will be home verrrrry soon and I am so thankful for that.
2. My supportive friends and family. I don't even know how to express how thankful I am for all the support we've received over the past year (and all my life for that matter).
   
3. A stable lifestyle. Alex and I both have stable jobs and a nice rental home to live in. In this economy, that's certainly something to be thankful for!
4. All 4 of my grandparents are alive (and spunky as ever)! As I get older, I realize how truly lucky I am to still have all 4 grandparents in my life. I can't imagine life without them so I hope that they all live to be a LOT older so that my future children can be blessed to know them, just like I have been.
   

I hope you all have a very happy Thanksgiving!

P.S. I feel an upset coming on. Beat the HELL outta t.u.!

Deployment Carbonara

I've eaten a lot of pasta during this deployment. It's easy, it's filling, and you can make it in small portions. At first I mostly just ate pasta with olive oil, salt & pepper & parmesan cheese but after a while I started experimenting with other simple options.

I absolutely LOVE Spaghetti Carbonara....to me it's basically like an adult macaroni & cheese. What's not to love?!? When I feel like a traditional Carbonara I make this recipe that I featured on my old food blog. But one day I was craving Carbonara and didn't have any bacon or parmesan cheese. What I did have was goat cheese so I experimented and ended up loving the result!

In this case I used Lemon Goat Cheese, which gives the pasta a great lemony flavor but you could use any flavor of goat cheese! Or, if you just have plain goat cheese and still want lemon flavor you could add a squeeze of lemon juice to the pasta.

Lemony Spaghetti Carbonara {aka Deployment Carbonara}
Source: me

Ingredients:

• 8 oz. spaghetti, half a package {I use whole wheat}
• 1 egg
• 2 oz. lemon goat cheese, half a package {or any flavor goat cheese you prefer}
• Salt to taste
  
• Lots of freshly ground black pepper

Procedure:

Boil water and cook spaghetti noodles according to package directions.

While pasta is cooking, crack the egg into a small bowl and beat well with a whisk. Crumble the goat cheese into the beaten egg and then mix well with the whisk. It's okay if there are still lumps of goat cheese...just get them incorporated together. Add salt and freshly ground pepper to the egg mixture. Set aside.

Once pasta is al dente, drain water and then IMMEDIATELY place pasta back in the hot cooking pot. Quickly pour the egg & cheese mixture into the hot pasta and immediately stir to combine. Timeliness is key here because this is the only way you are "cooking" the eggs. If you don't do this quickly you will be dealing with raw eggs in your pasta...not good.

Add more salt & pepper to taste and serve immediately.

Makes 3-4 servings...depending on how big your servings are. :)

Libby wanted some Carbonara too.

I'm Sorry

Dear Readers,

I'm sorry I've been MIA for almost 2 weeks. It's been a combination of things that have kept me away from my beloved blog.

1. I joined a new gym and I've been back on the working out train lately. I realized that Alex's homecoming is quickly approaching and I needed to start getting my butt in gear. So I've been working out about 4-5 days a week after work for the past couple weeks. This usually means I don't get home from work and the gym until after 7pm and by the time I eat dinner and relax a bit it's already time for bed!

2. I think I've reached the "I'm-Just-So-Freaking-Ready-For-This-Deployment-To-Be-Over-That-I'm-Apathetic-About-Everything...Including-My-Blog Phase." You can quote me on that phase. It's self-diagnosed, but I think it's pretty accurate and scientific!

3. I've been busy busy busy! Work has been super busy for me and I've been out of town a lot on the weekends. I've been out of town the past two weekends and I'll be out of town for the next two weekends too! Then I'll have one weekend at home and then I'll be out of town again (for Thanksgiving)....WOW. I've been having a TON of fun every weekend but not being at home for the weekends does mean that I tend to get behind on things and my life becomes hectic. I really need my weekends to play catch up! So needless to say, I've been behind on EVERYTHING lately and I don't see that changing soon.

4. I am not feeling 100% healthy. Granted, this has only been an issue the past couple of days, but it still counts as a reason why I've been MIA! I'm trying like crazy to fight off whatever this sickness is that I can feel coming on. So far I think I've been beating it by getting lots of vitamin C, drinking Airborne in my water, and going to bed early but I'm still just not 100%. Let's hope I can keep fighting it off without getting too sick! This is not a good week to be sick for me....too much going on!

Anyway, thanks for checking in to my blog despite my lack of updates lately. I hope to be inspired to blog about something more interesting than my "excuses" soon but I can't make any promises. :)

Over It

Images from Cafepress.com

That right there pretty much sums up my attitude today. I may seem like I am just gliding right through this deployment without many issues, but the truth is...DEPLOYMENTS SUCK!

For the most part I manage to keep myself busy enough to not get too caught up in wallowing in my own misery, but then...every now and then....it hits me like a ton of bricks. And it's usually the stupidest things that set me into a tail spin.

Take today for example, I was rushing to leave for work this morning and went to feed Libby. As I'm scooping her food I notice that there are ants EVERYWHERE. In the food, outside the bag, crawling along the shelf, etc. So I cuss under my breath but I have no choice but to do something about it....because I don't have a husband around to push jobs like that off on. So I grab my trusty can of Raid and start spraying. But then I have to figure out where to put the rest of the food so that the ants don't get into it again (I sort of have a problem with spending too much on my dog's food so I was concerned with salvaging the damn food!). So anyway I think I figured it out, but it was a pain.

Then later when my wonderful husband calls me from Iraq, I'm totally mean to him. Like blaming him for the stupid ant incident (wtf?!?), picking fights, bitching, and other generally inexcusable behavior. So our conversation ends badly and the moment I hang up the phone I start regretting acting like that. It's like a demon possessed my body...but it's too late because that was my one phone call that I get from him for the day....and I effed it up. Way to go, Ash.

As I was typing him an apology email I started thinking about where this crazy behavior was coming from. How did some stupid ANTS cause me to have a bitchy breakdown?!? Then I realized:

I'M JUST OVER IT. {it=deployment} I'm over having to mow the lawn, I'm over being lonely when I come home at night, I'm over not having my best friend to talk to whenever I want, I'm over not having a date to ANYTHING, I'm over having to make decisions without my better half, I'm over sleeping with the pistol in the nightstand and being terrified of ever having to use it, I'm over having to try and remember 24 hours (or more) worth of things to tell my husband and making it fit into a 10 minute conversation. I'M JUST OVER IT.
{I totally started crying as I was typing this paragraph...apparently I'm not quite ready to move on from "wallowing in my self pity" day.}

And I took my frustration out on the ONE person who I shouldn't have.


Well, crap.

Everything that I'd been bottling up just decided to come pouring out. All that strength, resolve, and positivity just got blasted away.....because of ANTS. haha It is really quite humorous when you put it that way.

All this to say, I may put up a good front as though I'm dealing so well with this deployment, but in reality I have my "freak out" and "self pity" moments. And I decided it's kind of okay. I'm living without my husband for a WHOLE YEAR of our lives....I think I deserve to have a few moments of pure insanity. No, I'm not proud of how I acted. But I realized what I did, made it right, and IT'S OKAY. Because you know what? Sometimes deployments just really suck.

My Thoughts on Deployments

We are currently dealing with our first deployment since becoming an Army family.

Yes, it sucks....but you get through it. People often say "I don't know how you do it" and my first thought is "Well, I don't either but I decided it would be pretty awful to be miserable for an entire year of my life." So that's that. You wallow in your own misery for a day or two after he leaves and then you suck it up and move on.

That being said, I do have a couple tips for how to get through a deployment:

1. Make friends. Lots of them. Preferably friends whose husbands are also deployed. I won the proverbial jackpot when it comes to my Army wife friends. I made 12 friends whose husbands were all deployed and we are all young newlyweds. Most of us don't have children yet either so we all have similar interests. Hanging out with friends who are in the same boat as you (or who at least understand your boat) is the BEST thing to get you through.

2. Stay BUSY! Being bored almost always equals thinking about your husband and how much you miss him. My personal method for staying busy is my job and hanging out with my girlfriends. But if you don't have a job you can still volunteer, redecorate your home, start a new project, or whatever suits you to stay busy.

3. Plan things to look forward to. My FRG leader recommended having one thing to look forward to each month. Such as as road trip, a wedding, a party, etc. Count down the days until the exciting activity instead of the days til your husband comes home.

4. Communicate with your husband as much as possible. Whether it's email, phone, SKYPE, etc the important thing is to stay connected.

That's it for now. I have more tips but I've got to save some material for future posts! :) Just keep in mind, deployments ARE do-able!